


Drabble Collection

by GayestCuChulainnFan



Category: Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Bodyguard EMIYA, F/F, F/M, M/M, Med School Student Medea Lily, Medusa is also a bodyguard, Model Saber, Multi, Otaku Gilgamesh, Other, Taiga is the leader of the fujimura group, Tattoo Artist Angra Mainyu, Trucker Sasaki, Venture Capitalist Kid Gil, all the Saberfaces are models in it, also caren replaces kirei as the moon grail moderator, but still also an english teacher at Homurahara, enkidu is in the character tags but they're a running joke lol, he doesnt use code cast to look seventeen he's actually eight and he's precious, he owns the magazine Saber models in, i lied shinji does exist but its an alternate version of his extra self, shinji kirei and zouken dont exist lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-06-11 11:46:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15314823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayestCuChulainnFan/pseuds/GayestCuChulainnFan
Summary: Drabbles for an AU where Medea and Kuzuki raise Rin instead of Kirei, original concept was from UnfamiliarClockwork





	1. Magazine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [UnfamiliarClockwork](https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnfamiliarClockwork/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin and Medea are bi for Saber

"Auntie Medea! Auntie Medea! Did you hear?" Rin squealed as she slammed the sliding door open. She held a magazine as if it were the Holy Grail itself.

"YES!" Medea had gotten her own copy of it while her surrogate daughter was at school. "The July issue of the Saber magazine! Summer Special Swimsuit Edition!" The older woman clutched the booklet to her chest, tears streaming down her face.

"I tried to come here as quickly as possible," Rin sat down next to Medea. "Thanks for waiting for me, Auntie."

They reverently stared at the magazine's cover for a few moments before opening it to the first page, flipping past the table of contents. They knew every Saber model by appearance, after all. The women went through the magazine, taking time to appreciate every model.

"Quick Queen looks fine as hell! And her girlfriend looks ready to jam!"

"Proto's really hot! DelightWorks should totally start hiring more dudes."

"Yeah, but these girls are sexy as fuck too! I mean, look at Mo-chan!"

"And Alter! Damn, she's rocking that maid outfit!"

"I prefer it when the swimsuit actually shows skin. Look at this snack!"

"Lancer shows lots of skin in her normal outfits, Rin. I prefer more modest ladies, like MHX."

"Oh, it's Red!" Before they knew it, they had reached the penultimate page. "That means the next one is..." Rin looked at Medea. "Blue," they said in unison.  
Medea delicately handled the corner of the page. Knowing DelightWorks, Blue, the star of the show, would get a two-page spread. The fangirls held their breath as she started to turn the page and-

"Sister! Auntie! Dinner's ready!" Apparently, they had spent a little too much time appreciating the other models.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic has been up for three months and yall had the audacity to not tell me i misspelled the literal ninth word of it


	2. Magazine 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilgamesh tries to buy the Saber magazine Summer Special Swimsuit Edition

Gilgamesh closed the church's door as quietly as possible and toed off his slippers. "Having to use the back entrance. How disgraceful," he muttered under his breath, quietly making his way to his room. Hidden under his shirt was a treasure greater than his entire Blue Saber merchandise collection: the Saber magazine Summer Special Swimsuit Edition.

The blonde man internally cringed when the door to his room creaked as it opened. He got out the magazine and took a cautious step into the room. Before he could get to his bed and his hand inside his pants, the hallway lights turned on.

"Hand it over, br- oh my god, you seriously went out in that? You really are a hikkineet!" The laughing child behind Gilgamesh was Kid Gil, his younger brother.

"Shut up, Gil," Gilgamesh growled. "And leave me alone."

"So you can do dirty things while looking at pictures of girls in swimsuits? Not a chance," he blew a raspberry. "Now hand it over, or I'm calling Enkidu."

Gilgamesh faltered. "You wouldn't." Gil held up his cellphone. On the screen was Enkidu's contact, with Gil's thumb hovering over the call button. "Please, Gil, you know I get bored and horny when they go on vacation," he pleaded. Gil's finger got closer to the screen. "No!" The older blonde lunged for the phone, only for the younger to sidestep and snatch the magazine out of his hand.

Gil retched and covered his nose. "You reek! I seriously can't believe you went out like this." Gilgamesh pouted. "Anyway, who did you get this from?" Kid Gil, the owner of the magazine, had managed to pull some strings to make his credit card banned from buying the magazine. When Gilgamesh heard about the special edition, he had dragged himself outside to buy it himself, from none other than-

"Avenger. Not only did that mongrel overcharge me, he made me grovel and beg for it. I worked hard for that magazine, so please, let me have it!" Gilgamesh gave his best attempt at puppy eyes.

"No, you perv," the boy ripped it to shreds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay wow im really bad at writing endings
> 
> Anyway i had a mental image of hikkineet gil but i couldnt put it into words ill let your imaginations go wild


	3. Boobs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cú Chulainn is afraid of boobs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Semi-nsfw? Male nudity but its just shirtless emiya lol

Archer sighed. It was 2 pm, and he still wasn't done cleaning up after the Fujimura Group. They had thrown yet another party at the Tohsaka mansion. As he dumped another armful of red cups into the garbage bag, the doorbell rang. "Coming!" he called.

The person at the door was Medusa, the bodyguard of the younger Tohsaka sister. She was out of breath, seemingly from riding her bicycle to the mansion at top speed. Sakura couldn't have sent her; she, as well as his own mistress, Rin, was at school. "It's your boyfriend," she panted. "Medea and I went shopping and she got into a heated argument with Cú about the prices of his fish. Sakura told me to come to you if something like this happened."

"Hang on, let me get changed," he dashed into the house and changed into a black dress shirt before taking Medusa's bike and riding to the Miyama shopping district.

When he arrived, Cú and Medea were screaming at each other, scaring the passerby. Archer walked behind him, but he didn't notice. He was totally immersed in his argument. Archer grasped his shirt and yelled at the top of his lungs. "BABE!" Everyone in the vicinity looked at him, but most importantly, Cú was distracted from Medea long enough to witness Archer rip his shirt open, exposing his sweaty torso for the world to see.

"A-archer," Cú stammered. Archer could feel the heat radiating off of his boyfriend's face. "W-what are you d-doing here?"

"Shut up," Archer shoved Cú's face into his cleavage. "You're causing a commotion."

Medea deadpanned. "I would say that single word was more disruptive than our entire quarrel." It was safe to say the argument was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you couldnt tell by the super specific imagery this is self indulgent as hell lol anyone who came here from my tumblr knows that i love cú and emiyan to death and pecs are my favorite muscle group


	4. Career Fair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homurahara Academy invites parents to share stuff about their jobs

"When I heard the school was having a career fair, I expected real careers," Rin looked back over the list in disbelief. "Okay, there's, like, one actual job here," she looked pointedly at Angra Mainyu's Tattoo Artist stall.

"I don't know, Rin. I think 'Professional Odd Job Worker' is pretty cool," Shirou pointed at Bazett on the other side of the gym.

"That's just another way to say unemployed," Medea snapped from a stall near them. Rin turned to face said stall and raised a brow. "Yeah, I don't know why they invited me here. Housewife? Seriously?"

"Shirou, since when is your dad a mercenary?" Sakura concernedly pointed at the list where it said "Emiya Kiritsugu".

"Dad's retired," Archer was in the fair as a bodyguard along with Medusa. "And Rin, since when is Aquaculture Biomass Cultivator not a valid job? Fish are an integral part of Japan's economy."

"Defending your musclehead of a boyfriend. How cute," Medea sneered. She took a list herself. "I refuse to believe that Tiger got a spot here as a mob boss."

"She's also a teacher, but Dad already claimed that stall," Issei pointed out. "And isn't Buddhist Temple Head Priest a legitimate career, Mom? Really? Your own son?"

Suddenly, a hearty laugh cut into the conversation. "What are you mongrels doing? Bow before me!"

"Go away. You reek."

"Who the hell invited you?"

"You're listed here as 'Hikkineet Otaku Incel'."

"Damn, that's an accurate description."

"You're really wearing pyjamas? In public?"

"Are those...crocs...?"

"Leave, or I call Enkidu, big brother. Wow, that was easy." His job done, the young venture capitalist left the scene.

"Good riddance! Thank god, he's finally gone. I was hiding in the bleachers for ten whole minutes," Artoria appeared out of nowhere, sighing in relief. "Why are Rin and Medea staring at me like that?"

"No reason! No reason at all!" Rin's voice was a bit higher than normal as she hurriedly went to check out Sella and Leysritt's maid stall. She turned around quickly, but anyone looking at her before her departure would have seen a face as red as her shirt. As for Medea, a passerby might see a short woman beelining to the Teacher stall, strangely pointed ears twitching all the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah issei and reikan are medea and kuzukis sons
> 
> Also threatening to call enkidu will be a running joke


	5. Organ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Got bored so I decided to write another thing for this
> 
> That one dude vaguely requested caren content so this is for you

"Stop that disgusting noise at once, mongrel! It grates on my nerves!" So commanded Gilgamesh as he violently opened one of the nave's side doors. With that, he promptly slammed it closed and returned to the rotten chamber known as his room.

"Don't listen to him, babe. I love your cacophony," Avenger was lounging in one of the pews near the front, enjoying his girlfriend's performance. The teen was almost invisible, blending into the darkness with black tattoos that seemingly covered his skin. The only signs that he was present were his bright red bandana and the faint light filtering in through the large window that highlighted it.

"Shouldn't you be at school right now? You're 17," the priestess continued to play. She said that, but she didn't really care what he did. She was just mocking her boyfriend.

Avenger went along with it. "Eh? I already have a solid job, I don't need an education. Plus, the manager is old and he says I've surpassed him in skill. Once I'm old enough to legally own the tattoo parlor, he's retiring," he smirked.

"I wonder what your parents would say about that," she didn't look back from the organ, but he could hear the leer in her voice.

"They're too busy with their own shit and pampering Illyasviel to pay attention to what their sons do. When my twin brother's not at school, he's working at a pub or being a brownie, and Archer is a bodyguard." He had silently moved to her side during the few seconds in which she had spoken. The priestess seemed to continue the piece seamlessly, but Avenger had heard her falter a tiny bit. He wasn't really surprised at the near lack of a reaction. It was Caren, after all. "Well, the parlor is opening soon, so I gotta go," he pecked her on the cheek. "See you later."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes kid gil threatened to call enkidu if he didn't stop interrupting caren's performance


	6. Magazine 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin and Medea are still bi for Saber

"Auntie! Sister! Did you get the e-mail?" Sakura burst into the room, where Medea and Rin were drooling over the swimsuit models in the magazine for the umpteenth time.

"...What's an e-mail?" Medea and Rin were both bad with technology.

Sakura sighed. "As close friends of Kid Gil, we're all invited to be part of the next issue of Saber! Not only that, but he's introducing a new model, and the VIPs get to see who it is earlier than the public!"

"Hold up, hold up. Us? In the Saber magazine?"

"Yep, and you get early knowledge of a new model!"

"So, we'll be in the magazine?"

"Uhh, yeah I just said that."

"And we get to meet all the models? Like, Alter, Lily, Red, Mo-chan, and the rest?"

"And BLUE?"

"You realize she lives with Shirou and Avenger, but you guys are too shy to talk to her? Also, there's a new model, too."

Medea and Rin were hugging each other and sobbing tears of happiness. "We get to meet Blue! We get to meet Blue!"

Knowing they wouldnt stop any time soon, Sakura wrote down the date and time of the photo shoot on a piece of paper, put it on the table, and left them to fangirl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the new model is okita alter ofc


	7. Magazine 3 (Part II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the photoshoot in Fuyuki

"Man, it's only 11:30 AM, and I'm already exhausted. Thank god we're finished with the 'stay night' and 'hollow ataraxia' segments," Rin drooped slightly, drinking another large gulp of water. Medea, sitting next to her, was in a similar state due to the sweltering summer sun. "How do you even do this, Blue?"

"Please, call me Artoria. And as for your question, I don't really know. I guess I've just gotten used to it after years of modeling," she looked as elegant as ever, barely breaking a sweat. Red, Mo-san, Alter, Lily, and the other regular models seemed perfectly fine as well, Rin noticed as she looked around the courtyard of the Emiya manor. There was a nice, friendly environment as everyone rested until the next segment.

Suddenly, Kid Gil came out of the house while being fanned by his older brother. He raised a golden megaphone and yelled, "Alright, break's over guys! Some of you are off-duty now, but the rest of you need to go to your next segments!" The amicable chatter continued as the company made their way inside and through the house to the front, where a line of golden limos was waiting. Medea's ex and younger sister got in one with Medusa's older sister and departed for the harbor; Illyasviel's bodyguard followed on foot. One went towards Tokyo carrying Quick Queen and her girlfriend. Dragon Witch and her twin sister went to another one. Red and Medusa's other sister went to "Septem", and Mo-san went to "London" with Lancer Alter. Other limos went towards "Camelot", "Babylonia", and many others.

"Shirou! Make me burgers!" Blue's voice, but not Blue herself. It was the twin, Alter. There was only one limo left, and Rin turned around to indulge Shirou's cooking, ignoring it.

"Sister! You're in this segment!" Rin sighed. She got in the limo, and found that Sakura, who had called out to her, was in it, along with Archer, Lancer, her own eight-year old brother, Taiga, and Caren. Ah, yes. The 'Extra' segment. This is going to be a long day.

**Author's Note:**

> I might add more whenever i get bored


End file.
